Go, Tiger, Go!

A lot of assholes don't know this but Butch and I are huge fans of tigers...probably cause we think Siegfried and Roy are so fuckin' cool.  They're not that ripped or huge but they're so fuckin' cool, they probably bag tons of chicks anyway and that automagically makes you cool.

I was searchin' the internets for some cool shit and I typed this crap in: 'Why is a tiger so fuckin' huge and ripped and where the fuck do they live, in the woods?"  Did I find the answer to my question?  Fuck no.  But I did discover this dude, Tiger Woods.  Dunno if you've ever heard of this fucker but I read he's been nailin' some wicked hot babes all over the fuckin' world lately.  I guess he's some kinda hot shit golfer or whatever.  Butch and I wouldn't be caught dead watchin' or playin' golf cause it's strictly for twerps, fat wads and gay dudes...just sayin'.

Dudes shouldn't play golf...and definitely not pregnant dudes.

Anyways, I was checkin' out some pics of this Tiger dude and I started thinkin', believe it or not.

1. This dude's pretty ripped for a golfer.  He's not ripped for a muscle-dude but for a golfer, he's  Ronnie Fuckin' Coleman.

2. What the fuck is up with this dude?  He's black but he's got those slanty eyes like most of the smokin' chicks I was bangin' on my last vacay to the Philippines.

So, I looked up this dude's parents and now I totally fuckin' get it.

This's gotta be the story:  Dude (Tiger's dad) goes to the Philippines for a good time, makes the mistake of knockin' up one of his little hos after some basket trick or whatever, ho's father sticks a bow and arrow (or whatever fuckin' weapons they've got there) in the dude's face and says he's gotta marry the bitch or he's gonna get an arrow through his fuckin' brain and bam, a couple months later, out comes a little fuckin' black golfer with slanted eyes.  Douches tell you all the fuckin' time a pic's worth a billion fuckin' words and up 'til now, I thought they were full of shit.  That story's not a billion words but it's close enough, dude.

So, anyway, fast fuckin' forward to a couple of years ago and this little black golfer makes it big time and starts rakin' in the moolah.  Somebody must've given the fucker a concussion or some shit though cause he turns stupid enough not just to get married but to have a couple of little twerps.  Tiger's wife is a total piece of ass and I wouldn't mind pumpin' her fulla jizz but between you and me, it takes a moron to marry a hottie no matter how smokin' she is.

Givin' Heidi Klum a run for the fuckin' money, dude.

But dudes make mistakes, right?  Even Butch and I make mistakes, believe it or not.  One time, we put so much fuckin' weight on the bar doin' benches that we snapped the fucker in two, dudes.  So even smart dudes make mistakes.  That's my fuckin' point in case you're a retard.

Tiger's concussion shit must've worn off though cause he figured out how stupid he was to get hitched and he starts bangin' hot chicks left and right...and that's fuckin' awesome, dude.  A divorce woulda been a great fuckin' idea but since bitches get to take half your stash when you get divorced, it's better to stay married and bang all sorts of other chicks and tell your wife to keep her stupid trap shut as a nun's snatch...except for the occasional hummer which I'd never rule out.

Bet this slut has to beat the dudes down with a fuckin' stick, dudes.

So, anyways, I just wanna let everybody know how cool we think it is that this dude figured out how wrong he was and then went ahead and corrected that shit.  Even if the dude's a fuckin' golfer, he's still the shit in my book.  I'm gonna start a Tiger Woods fan club.  As soon as everybody knows who this fuckin' dude is, I'm sure tons of assholes are gonna wanna join.  Butch and I may get some sweet tail outta it too!

Keep pumpin', dudes!