Thanksgiving For Shit

I don't think about shit too deep.  So when Thanksgiving rolls around, I hardly ever think about giving thanks for shit.  I pretty much just think about eatin' shitloads of turkey.  To be honest, I hardly think at all except about bein' ripped, gettin' more ripped and bangin' hotties.  But I was watchin' some fuckin' show on the Discovery Channel about turkeys and how they grow 'em and shit and I thought, I'm gonna give thanks for the fact that I'm not a fuckin' turkey.

Those poor bastards get yanked from their mothers before they're even hatched and then, pretty much as soon as they're hatched, the guy turkeys get yanked out of there and never see a bitch turkey again unless they happen to be in the fuckin' oven with one at the end of the line and I'm guessin' it's hard to see when you don't have a fuckin' head and somebody stuck your neck up your ass.

I'd tag that. I wouldn't tell all my buds about it but I would. Then I'd eat that fuckin' turkey, dude, and do a little bodybuilder posing shit after it.

So how much does that suck for the dude turkeys?  I mean, sure, they don't have to listen to the bitching and whining about shit all day long that we human dudes do but they also die unbanged unless they give it up the butt or whatever gay turkeys do.  You gotta think oral is pretty bad from a turkey, right?

That shit wouldn't get within a mile of my junk, dude.

So how do they make more turkeys if they're not allowed to bang?

Get this shit...They "extract" the jizz from the dudes and put it in these fuckin' test tubes (turkey jizz, btw, looks pretty much like people jizz, which made me say 'duuuuude' about five times to the TV).  Now, they didn't explain exactly how they do that shit but when I looked up "extract" on the internets, they said it means "to draw or pull out, often with great force or effort," which sounds fuckin' horrifying, right, dudes?  So, bein' a turkey blows pretty fuckin' bad cause even cummin' sounds like it sucks.

"Goodbye, my virgin turkey friend, I'll bet you'll be the most delicious bird in the fuckin' store. Sex is awesome, btw."

I had to stop watchin' that shit after that cause I didn't want to know any more.  Just the fact that I'm eatin' a virgin turkey on my club sandwich makes me wanna lay off that shit for a day or two...Dudes don't even get a chance to blow a load in a chick turkey and that's pretty fuckin' sad.

At least I know I'm not eatin' a turkey with VD or some shit...so that's somethin'.  

Turkeys taste fuckin' good though so it's not like I'm gonna picket or whatever in front of Bore's Head's factory.  I'm just not gonna think about that shit.

So, anyway, this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for the fact that I'm not a fuckin' turkey.  E-mail us or whatever and tell us what you're thankful for.  I bet it's bullshit and guaranteed we're gonna tell you what a pussy you are for bein' thankful and whatever...but you don't need to commit suicide over that shit.

Keep pumpin', dudes.