Pete Writes Poetry Cause Poetry=Poon

The Rip House has a gaggle of bangable hotties runnin' around, but every now and then, one that makes my nuts feel like they're gonna explode shows up. We're talkin' "extreme hottie" here.

Ouch...just ouch.

When that happens, like it did yesterday, I know I gotta work shit a little different if I'm gonna get any action.  You can't just go struttin' up and throw out some tired line that works on your typical gym slut. 

Your run-of-the-mill gym slut...at your service, dudes.

You gotta be fuckin' creative and you gotta act like there's some sensitive side to you or whatever.  Butch tells me, and I believe him, that the easiest way to make a chick feel like you're not just lookin' to get into her pants is to write her an awesome poem...so you can get into her pants (sounds stupid, right?).

Chicks fuckin' love poems, especially ones that rhyme...cause if they don't rhyme, they'll figure you're some kinda emo faggot. 

Chicks aren't into bein' on suicide watch 24/7 or some shit so, dudes, your poetry's gotta be fuckin' up-beat, confident and awesome if you wanna score constantly like Butch and me.  If you can't write a poem, you can either stick to the merely 'bangable' chicks (who don't require poetry) or you can steal my poem (below).  I don't give a shit...just send me a video of the two of you doin' it and we'll call it even.

If you could edit your schlong out, I'd appreciate it.

Chicks wanna think you're into more than their tits, asses and snatches so you gotta lie your ass off, like when you tell a cop you only had a couple of beers.  You also gotta at least mention how hot you think they are, though, cause if you don't at least hint at it, they'll know you're full of shit.

I've used this poem at least a dozen times and it's got a 100 percent success rate, dudes.  Happy bangin'!

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Awesome Queen
by Pete Puma
for [insert name here]

I saw you at the Rip House
squatin' like an awesome queen.
You can bench more than just the bar
and that's fuckin' cool, I mean.

Your spandex shorts are kickin'
I see camel toe when you sit.
I could spot your dumbbell benches,
but I'll be starin' at your tits.

I even went to spin class
with a bunch of real gay dudes
but was starin' at your awesome glutes.
Now I'm really in the mood.

Oh, and I'm sure you're smart as shit
like if Einstein was a chick
cause you count your reps real easy
like thinkin' doesn't make you sick.

Your face is super-pretty too.
Don't wanna forget to tell you that.
But it's hard to get past the body
when it's so smokin' hot, true dat.

I think we should get naked
after dinner, maybe a show.
If you don't bang on first dates,
think I could get at least a blow?
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Keep pumpin', dudes.