You know those dudes who look like they might be in shape with their shirts on and then, they take their shirts off and they look like some 3 year old made them out of fuckin' clay? They bug the shit out of me. I just had to say that.
Anyway, one of those dudes walks up to me at the Rip House last year and says some shit like, "You walk around like you own the place. It's not so great bein' ripped." A few years before this, I would have torn that dude's head off his scrawny excuse for a body but my parole officer told me that when shit like that happens, I need to take a deep breath and picture myself in the pokey for a few years without any poon.
So, I did that and then I grabbed his scrawny arm, pulled him over to the bench press and told him that if he moved, I'd wrap his limp little dick around his neck and strangle him with it. So, he stayed there. I loaded up that fuckin' bar until it was gonna snap in the middle and did 30 reps without losin' my fuckin' breath and said, "Not so great bein' ripped, huh? You wanna try?" And right there, in front of a couple of other ripped dudes and some extreme hotties, he pissed his pants.
After I made him lick that shit up, I told him that if he gave me half of everything he made for the next year, I'd transform him from like Bruce Banner to the fuckin' Incredible Hulk and shit. Then the pussy starts cryin' like he was just pulled out of his mother's snatch and nods his pussy head.
Sounds like the beginning of an awesome fairy tail, right? Well, it fuckin' is and that's why it sounds like that or whatever. So, I quit my job and started workin' this guy out like fuck. I taught him almost all my awesome techniques or whatever and whenever he'd start whimpering like a sissy, I'd tell him that if he didn't stop, I'd punch him in the brain right through his big gay shnoz. And that kept him motivated or whatever.
So, where is that wimpy dude today? Well, he's a totally ripped dude who follows me around The Rip House like I'm Lord of the Iron or whatever and he bags scads of poon, usually my sloppy seconds but still, it's poon, I tell him. That dude now knows that he was totally fuckin' wrong about it not bein' so great bein' ripped...cause it's fuckin' awesome, dude. Totally fuckin' awesome.
These two faggots aren't us but still, they're pretty ripped.
Now, I'm bound to have kids one day cause whenever I'm not pumpin' iron, I'm usually bangin' some hotty and I fuckin' hate rubbers. And you know what I'm gonna do when my little stud is goin' to bed at night? I'm gonna tell him that fuckin' story word for fuckin' word cause if it wasn't a gay word to use, I'd say that story was beautiful.
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