Carrie Prejean Is Awesome

Let me just tell you first that I don't jack off all that much because I get a healthy dose of the real thing but the fact is, my balls make jizz by the bucketload and I'm not always somewhere I can just have regular sex.

Lately, when I need to fly solo, I've been thinkin' about Carrie Prejean and that's saved me a lot of time.

Now, when I told my mom that, she was totally skeeved.

Why?  Some shit about a sex tape and gays gettin' hitched and fake jugs and then I stopped listening cause I couldn't get past the fake jugs part (which is super-awesome, btw) but then she said something about Larry King, shriveled up crypt-keeper that his ass is, and, just then, when I heard the name, it was like somebody poured a barrel of ice water on my nuts.  She also gave me shit for not bein' able to say her name right but what the fuck, dude?

Fact is, Carrie Prejean is like a #3 pencil...totally fuckin' rare and super fine.  My dick and my brain worked together on that one and that hardly ever fuckin' happens.

My wang way bigger than that, dude.

Anyway, I looked up all sorts of shit on the internets about this bitch and I was fuckin' impressed.  First of all, a sex tape is fuckin' awesome. . .and when I heard that there were no guys in it, I popped a boner cause porn is the shit until some dude whips his dong out.  That brings the whole party down, dude.  Totally not into that...totally.  To have an extreme hotty make a solo sex tape for a dude is like the ultimate way of tellin' him he's awesome.

 When a chick who's almost too hot to think about goes and makes herself even more awesome by gettin' bigger boobs, it almost makes my brain explode.  Be right back.

....Okay, so what was I sayin'?  Oh, yeah, Carrie Prejean.  Bitches out there will get all pissed off if I only talk about how insanely hot she is so let's talk about her brain.

First of all, she doesn't take shit from old dudes like Larry King and that's fuckin' cool.  I never woulda seen a second of Larry King's news show except for the internets and the fact that Carrie Prejean is fuckin' awesome.  I searched for that shit for forever.  The way she almost walked off his show even though she was on tv in front of the whole fuckin' world showed every asshole that she's smart as shit, I think.

Hell on the left, heaven on the right, dude.

OK.  Enough about the brain.  I heard that she didn't just get bigger boobs, she made somebody else pay for that shit and that's more proof she's got a brain the size of the hindenberg or whatever.

When I was searchin' for naked pictures of the newest entry to my spank bank (Carrie Prejean, btw), I saw some shit she said about gay dudes gettin' married and I couldn't help but think, "Dude, gettin' married is a bad fuckin' move in the first place.  Why would any dude want to do it with another dude?"  If I was ever in some pageant or whatever and I was gonna answer the question they asked her, I'd say some shit like, "Dude, I'm cool with two hot chicks gettin' married as long as they go both ways and they invite me over a lot but for everybody else, it should be against the fuckin' law."

But I'm not gonna get a chance to answer that question because they don't give a shit about what super-massive bodybuilders think.  They just wanna see our totally buff muscles poppin'...and I'm cool with that.

Keep pumpin', dudes.